In the Present

Are you here?

Hello there!

Hey beautiful… yeah, you!

I'm here........

 

 

Thanks for checking up on me.... you know yourselves.
You guys are awesome! You know I've been quiet ‘cause........wait for it...........I've just been quiet. I've been reading blogs rather than blogging. I guess in  the blogsphere I would be considered a good reader. I thoroughly enjoy reading about other peoples lives. Seriously.

 

Sometimes there are so many things to blog about but it's so hard to pick one to start with.

 So I guess I'll start with Hello!

… and I Just had a flashback to primary school where the teacher or class representative would call out  your name and you have to yell present to show you were there. Also I remember friends who would mumble “Present” to cover the fact that you weren’t there. Aah…Good times! And also…that’s not why I’m here….

 

 

I have to confess, in many situations, I could be present but barely in the present. Like, I’m here writing this right? No… I’m not even thinking about this.  I have this weird “Gift” where you saying a word triggers so many instant thoughts that while you are talking about shoes, I’m thinking of sweet potatoes.  ( Shoes--I love my shoes--> oh no, they are dirty-->It’s all that Mercado Central’s dirt-->oh yea! I got huge sweet potatoes there.) All this occurs faster than the speed of light.  I don’t get myself sometimes; neither do most people. Sometimes when people are talking, I tune out but stay conscious  enough to nod, smile and say "Uh-huh” every few secs so they feel like I’m actually in the conversation. *Hides face in shame* I bet you all do this, but you all don’t actually go around making statements in writing.

 

 

My new random new year (yes, I do realize it's May) resolution is to be more “present” when we are together, yes WE… you or anyone else out there that crosses my path.  I need to stop daydreaming, or worrying or planning and just enjoy the moment and being in it. You could be talking to me and I would be on my laptop, watching TV and keeping both eyes on the BB…SIMULTANEOUSLY!! It’s not that I’m not interested in what you're saying, I just feel like I’m “multi-tasking”.  I feel like, I can give a piece of my brain to you, another piece to my work, another to my mad doodling skills and so on. A piece was better than nothing , riiight? Well, that so called multitasking is getting me in trouble with friends and having a “piece” of me is clearly not working.  Many times, during a conversation someone would ask “Are you even listening to me…??"

Honestly? Barely.

One of the first things I do when I jump into my car in is either play music or try to find something to interesting on the radio (never happens). Many times I could all of a sudden come out of my “fog” to realize that my lips have been singing along with a particular song but I have no recollection of when the song started or me actually singing along.

 ...no, I dont do drugs.

 My problem of being “in the present” really hits me when I leave a meeting without grasping a single thing... and it's no particular meeting, it could be anything...business or personal.   Don’t get me wrong, I hear what is said and even manage to say a couple of “hmm-mmh” during the discussion but it has become mechanical and more out of familiarity than consciousness… just going through the motions.

 

 

 

It is time to be present in the present. What does this look like? Where do I even start from?

 

 

Oh and …on these pictures I am wearing a second hand dress I found at the Xipamanine market for, wait for it, you won’t believe this… or maybe you will ‘cause stuff there is incredibly cheap…alright… drum roll please [imaginary drum starts playing]….50 meticais!!! That’s right… a dollar and some cents…Yes, I AM proud of myself!

and that cute little girl there...she lives next door, and she's a doll!

I was here... 

 

...and here

 

 and mos def...here.