Lesson Learned

I've been avoiding posting. I hate coming off as some sort of negative Nancy (even though I am) but fck it, escaping this reality isn't an option. Its either I write or end up hairless from tearing out my own hair.

Today I am in a good mood. It’s been awhile.

I've been hesitant to write anything these past few weeks because in all honesty I've been miserable. Life just seemed to be too much of a mess to even write down. Although my life still seems to be on the messy side, things are looking up.
I should start from the beginning.

So I said in an earlier post that I was going to write about this when my mind was able to make sense of things. The truth is, that hasn't happened. To be entirely honest, I don't think that anything ever will make sense...that I'm destined to live a very confusing and messy sort of life never really grasping what the fuck the purpose of it all is.

Perhaps I should explain?

I have been in a relationship with one of the most wonderful man I know ( other then my daddy of course), he treats me like a queen… and I mean that literally, the guy takes care of me. He is beyond good. My back bone, my father, my brother, my best friend, my partner, 2 pees in a pod, the ying to my yang, Robin to my Batman, you name it.

You know that saying “you don’t know what you’ve got, until it’s gone”, you’ve heard that on, right? Well, it’s also true that you don’t know what you’re missing until you have it. Catch my drift?

I can’t tell you exactly what happened, because I respect his privacy. And I’m happy to say we’re working things out. We’re both adults, and we shared 3 years of our lives. It would be utterly selfish to up and leave everything just like that.
Bottom line is, everybody makes mistakes ( you said so yourself baby), you need me, I'll take care of you.

In all honesty, I hate men. What that declaration really means is a mystery even to me. Every man that has ever been in my life has done me wrong in some way or another, with maybe one exception. That exception was only because I did him wrong before he could do any real damage. To be fair, a more accurate word for what I feel might be fear. I fear men. As a woman who has only ever been with men, and probably will continue to be with men this serves as quite the dilemma.
I know that statement is childish, how could I possibly hate men? I mean really… let me not generalize, and just go ahead and say it… I wish I had never met YOU, yeah… you.

This is my history. This is my life. Part of my life. A small part of my life.
So my journey continues on, and I'm enjoying every step on the way...


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